i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
