so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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