got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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