Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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