I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
