somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
