When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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