i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
