i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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