I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
