I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
