I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
