I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Boobs speak an international language.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
