did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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