sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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