You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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