Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
