Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
