Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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