my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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