The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Where is the hickey?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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