if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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