come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
