is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
