can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
