She's JV to your varsity
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
