I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
