so that wasnt chicken after all
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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