This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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