He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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