i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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