So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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