there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
