why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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