I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
is that a dick in a sweater?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
