Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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