There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
