I hate your face
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
