she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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