i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
