Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
