He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
