dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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