Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
