Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
