WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
