I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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