Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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