you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The air taste purple.
Randomize
