I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
