Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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