I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
