She's JV to your varsity
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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